I was raised by both parents and both sets of grandparents, so I’d have to say that I’ve been truly blessed. I had a father and two grandfathers that taught me how to change a tire (I still don’t know how), buy a car and a house on my own, and what to expect and require of a man. They taught me to take care of myself and depend on no one but God… even though I could go to them for anything… once I’d exhausted all other possibilities, of course.
Lovingly called Big Al by my late grandmother, I carried on the name by having my boys call him Big Daddy… They don’t make them like him anymore, let me tell you! It’s hard enough to find and fall into a real, mature love when you’re expecting a man to – at the very least – live up to the standard of men in your life… but I did. And when I did my granddad told me something that made no sense to me: “Stop doing so much. You have to let a man be a man.”
Now let me just tell you how in my feelings I really was about this. I mean, just the idea that all of this strength and independence that they had sown into me… did he want me to just give it up and give it away and act like I wasn’t who I was, who I had been raised to be?! Of course he didn’t.
Basically all those things that they’d taught me to do for myself I now had to let him do for me so that he understood that I needed him. Of course I didn’t need him to take the trash out or change lightbulbs or get my oil changed. What I needed was for him to know that I needed him in my life because I loved him and letting him be a man meant I wouldn’t disrespect or emasculate him; he was to be my head and I his helpmate.
Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. – Ephesians 5: 22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord. – Colossians 3: 18
We’ve gotten away from this way of family: the way in which women expect, require, and then allow their man to protect and provide for them and their family the way a man should. The way in which we as women do for and give to our husbands because they are great men doing what great husbands should. So many women are proud to be independent and screaming that they don’t need a man, that being submissive seems like an insult, but if you love the Lord and trust that your husband was sent to you by Him then submission isn’t servitude, it’s a partnership.
I am just as independent at the next woman; I didn’t lose that when I got married, but when you pray over your husband and you know that his steps are ordered by God, you submit yourself to his leadership the same way you submit to God when you’re single because you trust that he is doing and will do what’s best for the family. Now, if you have a husband that’s not walking in the will of God I’m not talking to you. I’m talking to those women who know they have a Godly man willing and able and doing his best for his family. Submission is key to the success of your partnership. You can’t be going one way with him going another and think that you have a successful partnership when what you really have is two individuals doing their own thing and hoping that it’ll work out for everyone.
I know I sound preachy, but I’m so tired of women thinking that being strong means being loud and in charge in her relationship instead of running the show from behind the scenes. Any mature man in a real relationship will tell you that all big decisions in his relationship are made as a team. When you humble yourself to shine WITH your man instead of trying to outshine him, he will shine a light on you that lets the whole world know all the things you want them to and he’ll do it better than you ever could because it’s coming from a place of love and respect; the same thing you should give him.
I thank God for my grandfather and I thank him for these words that help me be the wife my husband deserves.